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steven lee

material poet.
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April 04, 2024 Subversive Selfie Project Post

April 4, 2024

The pain rests in my upper back & neck, running through my shoulders & down into both arms as I lay in bed trying to get some sleep. Shifting to either side just amplifies the discomfort in whatever side I’m resting on.

My blood sugar this morning when I woke up was 9.9 mmol/L, the first time below 10 since I started taking measurements in March. I had a slice of toast, a couple of eggs & a few slices of bacon for breakfast: but my adter breakfast reading came in at just under 18 mmol/L.

I was so tired, but managed to get my ass over to Peace Arch Hospital for the last group therapy session. But that wasn’t before I had checked the mail to find correspondence from Dwell Property Management threatening once again to put a lien on my family’s unit where I live, & apply to the Supreme Court of British Columbia to sell my home. When money was super tight for me this spring 2 monthly strata payments were missed. No phone calls, no emails, just this cold , stern letter from our property manager, treating me as if I was some kind of criminal.

After I parked, I caught a glimpse of my pale apparition in the driver’s sideview mirror as I stepped out of my SUV. I contemplated skipping group to head to the ER but decided to push on through & get to group. During group, I broke down sobbing, as I was so overwhelmed with everything else I’m behind with. My right hand shook in-spite of the painful tension running up my arm. Somehow I mumbled my way through these revelations to those around me listening.

I spoke to feeling stupid & ashamed, of how this spring has felt like a complete failure once again. Month after month in paralysis, unable to move forward, just falling further behind with life. The group therapists offered to help find me an advocate to deal with my strata, & it’s an offer I took them up on. I do have the money now to pay the outstanding amount, but want to remind them about the situation with my mental & physical health over the past year. They should know though. I slept awhile tonight, having a bowl of soup for dinner. But now I’ll sleep again.

(95/366).

This was originally posted on Flickr and Instagram.

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