The fingers on my hands tightly gripped the steering wheel as I fought the urge to sob as I drove to Peace Arch Hospital for my latest IV antibiotics & wound therapy. As my car drove past the cemetery where my Dad is buried I yelled at the top of my lungs until a lack of air resulted in the scream burning out like a dying candle. As I breathed in, the tears started to roll down my cheek as my voice faintly scratched out “I’m so sorry Dad. Please help me...”
Being Canada Day, I honestly didn’t expect to see the doctor but during my IV the nurses undressed & cleaned my wounds so he could examine them. I don’t remember exactly what he said, although he was surprised that the Synjardy he prescribed came with a drowsiness warning on the label, & his response to this news felt like he didn’t believe me.
Upon leaving the hospital, I drove down past the @five.corners.cafe, hoping to get a nice breakfast to settle my nerves, but they were closed. “When are you going to get things cleaned!?” echoed in my head as I considered where to eat. Mum was so angry, & I again lost my sight of being mindful, & chose to yell back at her earlier his morning, as I got ready to head to the hospital. Horrible things were said. “Go ahead & run to the hospital!” as well as “If you’re going to yell at me don’t bother coming back!” had also been floating in my mind all morning since I left her house. I set my turn signal to point right, having decided to head to the beach. I easily found parking, which shouldn’t be surprising as it was just before 10am. I headed to @thewafflersofficial / @thewafflers_ where I hadn’t been in many months. I ordered my favourites: a sweet mango delight waffle, & a savoury omelette waffle, both of which I enjoyed with a hot cup of orange pekoe tea.
That’s when I also snapped this selfie, sporting my orange shirt, a Canadian flag behind me - the shirt purposefully worn to remember the hardships that Indigenous First Nations, Inuit, & Métis Peoples have faced on their Native Land which was stolen from them 157 years ago when the Colonial-Settler nation of Canada was born. And with that thought my problems suddenly seemed so small.
This was originally posted on Flickr and Instagram.
(183/366).