It was sometime in the morning as I lay on my stomach, the left side of my facial stubble pressed firmly into my pillow. A silky smooth bedsheet wrapped around my naked body, like an ill fitting toga, leaving parts of me covered & other parts exposed. Warm air from a Dyson tower fan flows over my back and neck. My eyes are open, but unfocused as the items on my nightstand bleed together as if lost in a mirage. My mind has been aimlessly wandering through this haze of a fog that’s been lingering over my fading expectations for any kind of a meaningful future.
@whoopigoldberg’s character of Guinan in STAR TREK: THE NEXT GENERATION said in THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS PART 2: “When a man is convinced that he is going to die tomorow, he’ll probably find a way to make it happen.” It’s a line I think about often when I’m in a depression, one that seems to fit in with the unfortunate ability that I have to manifest failure and loss in my life. It’s a challenge to overcome, to find something positive to replace the thoughts that are so often so negative.
Today I ran to the store to get a few groceries and a prescription for my Mum. The weather has been drizzly grey so when Kira saw me putting on my one sandal along with my offloading shoe, I asked if she wanted to come with me in the car. Her ears perked up and her eyes brightened as I said this, and followed with, “like old times, cause it’s cool out today.” She bounded past me into the garage as I stood up from the stoop. I attached her leash and off we went.
Waiting for the prescription we sat in the car together. Her little ears keenly aware of anyone passing by. It was enjoyable to see and for a moment my worries slipped away. I love my little sunshine so much.
Please don’t take my sunshine away.
This post was originally posted on Flickr and Instagram.
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