DAY 01: TAKING THE FIRST STEP
WHAT ARE YOU HOPING FOR IN THE JOURNEY AHEAD THIS MONTH?
As we begin this month of opening up to seeing ourselves with kindness through our cameras, what are you hoping for?
From October 1, 2022: It’s the first of the #month and I already feel the pressure of being behind. I just don’t have any energy due to some kind of stomach bug I’ve come down with. At the time I took this photo, I had just scrubbed my feet in the shower, and rubbed more moisturizer all over them. It took a lot longer than expected. I felt the cold tile settle into the naked skin of my buttocks as I sat cross legged. The water hit my head and trickled down my back as I lathered up the brush I was going to use on my #feet. Both feet are bruised here and there, and on my left foot scabs have formed over the parts where my sandals had cut into the flesh during a long walk I did on September 3. Getting up took awhile as I felt winded by this simplest of tasks.
It’s a new month, and like a scaled down version of some New Years resolutions, I often think about my expectations for the month ahead. Firstly, I’m hoping I won’t get sicker in the days to come. Secondly, I’m hoping I’ll be able to keep ahead of the things I always feel like I’m behind with: from my school work, to work that’s needed to be done in the house and in the yard, and to my own personal development with activities like this daily selfie project, listening to more of Natalie Goldberg, and just getting outside to walk again.
IT CAN BE POWERFUL TO GIVE VOICE TO WHAT WE'RE NERVOUS OR FEARFUL OF TOO. WHAT FEARS OR WORRIES ARE ON YOUR MIND?
By giving them space to be heard and knowing that they might come up again, it can help us begin to diffuse their power over us!
I’m still finding myself #afraid of failing with these #resolutions though. I don’t want to fall behind, and I definitely don’t want to fail with getting things done. And I don’t want to be #depressed with life as I so often have been. I’m also finding myself afraid of feeling #lonely again. That #emptiness is always there, like it’s stalking me on one hand but also ready to jump out at me as soon as I found the next corner. I don’t want to feel that way anymore. Each time I seem to start something with gusto, I just stumble and fall. Sometimes it’s for reasons beyond my control. Like getting physically sick. But often it’s for reasons that are in my control. And that frightens me more, it feeds my #anxiety because - what if I don’t get it done? What if I just pick at the scabs of my #insecurities, letting them drown me in a pool of my own blood?
But I have to try.
274/365
This was originally posted on Instagram and Flickr.
#beyourownbeloved #beyourownbeloved💖 #depressionhelp #depressionawareness #startingover #selflove #selflovejourney #selflove #dailyselfie #dailywriting #subvertedselfies #subvertedselfie #art #photography #photo #feet #heels #scar
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Today’s photo prompt and reflective journaling questions for today was a part of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED photo workshop challenge which is run several times throughout the year by photographer VIVIENNE McMASTER. It’s well worth signing up for, and doing alongside other participants. Note that there’s no requirement to share your photos outside of the group. You don’t even have to share the writing reflections with the group, let alone publicly as I do. It’s a very supportive and private safe space that McMaster provides.