March 1, 2022 Subverted Selfie Project Post (Be Your Own Beloved Edition)

DAY  1:  TAKING  THE  FIRST  STEP

WHAT  ARE  YOU  HOPING  FOR  IN  THE  JOURNEY  AHEAD  THIS  MONTH?

As  we begin  this  month  of  opening  up  to  seeing  ourselves  with  kindness  through  our  cameras,  what  are you  hoping  for?

From March 1, 2022: Today, I’m starting a new journey of self reflection & exploration. I’m hoping to connect more deeply with myself as I work to overcome my depression. Often, I’m too quick to jump online & moan about the state of my life, which can be okay, but I need to be able to see through the negative towards more positive outcomes. To know that I’m not always so worthless or useless. To know that I have something to offer in life.

What  would  you  love  to  feel  in  this  experience?  Are  there  certain  types  of  selfies  you hope  to  capture?

I want to feel more positive about myself because I’m the only person I have in my life that I can depend on for the love I desire. I know I have a habit where I say these kind of thoughts, & in other posts I’ve often talked about trying to actualize these things, trying to actualize unconditional love & reverence for all life starting with myself, but I also know that I’ve often failed at doing this for myself. It’s time to stop failing. As author @shannonkaiserwrites says, it’s time to start living & using joy as a barometer for how I feel.

In terms of the selfies I’d like to capture this month, I want to explore ways of seeing myself visually that I haven’t done before over the last two years, while also keeping them authentic to how I feel.

IT  CAN  BE  POWERFUL  TO  GIVE  VOICE  TO  WHAT  WE'RE  NERVOUS  OR FEARFUL  OF  TOO.  WHAT  FEARS  OR  WORRIES  ARE  ON  YOUR  MIND? By  giving  them  space  to  be  heard  and  knowing  that  they  might  come  up  again,  it  can  help  us  begin  to diffuse  their  power  over  us!

I admit, I’m nervous that I will start strong & then fall again. I need to craft some kind of a safety plan for when I feel myself growing weak. A way to lift me up from under the weight of the metaphorical bricks that can feel too heavy on my shoulders. I’m not sure what that will look like but maybe that’s a question I can put to my non-physical guides & teachers in tomorrow mornings automatic writing session.

Another thing that I need to do this month is reach out for help. I’ve been struggling so much, & I haven’t done the things I need to do to get better. There were times in January & February when I felt lower than I did when I ended up in hospital for my depression. It’s not some thing I’m proud of. But I have to get over being upset with myself or feeling guilty for not getting the help that I know I need. Because when I do that I just cycle down into more shame, regret & remorse to the point of paralysis. So this is my manifesto: that kind of shit ends today.

60/365.

This was originally posted on Instagram and Flickr.

Today’s photo prompt and reflective journaling questions for today was a part of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED photo workshop challenge which is run several times throughout the year by photographer VIVIENNE McMASTER. It’s well worth signing up for, and doing alongside other participants.

HAVE  YOU  TAKEN  YOUR  PHOTO  ALREADY?  IF  NOT...ARE  YOU  FEELING RESISTANT?  IF  SO,  IT'S  TOTALLY  OKAY  AND  LET'S  EXPLORE  WHY!

You  might  fine  that  with  this  or  any  prompt,  you  feel  resistant.  That  is  totally  okay  and  it  can  actually  be  a really  good  thing  as  it's  a  sign  that  there  is  change  ahead.  Your  inner  critic  doesn't  want  you  to  change and  it  works  really  hard  to  prevent  that.  So  when  we  feel  that  resistant  feeling  it's  usually  a  sign  that  we SHOULD do it,  no  matter  what  our  inner  critic  says.  So  let's  compassionately  and  playfully  step  into  our resistance  to  a  prompt,  keep  going...keep  trying.  Out  past  our  resistance  is  our  realizations!

Plus,  we're  on  Day  1  of  a  class,  beginning  a  process  of  taking  a  photo  every  day!  Today  is  about  creating that  motion  in  the  process  and  this  space  it  to  let  yourself  acknowledge  the  resistance  and  see  what happens  next!

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