DAY 3: EMERGING INTO THE IMAGE

HOW HAS IT BEEN EMERGING INTO THIS EXPERIENCE?

Today's prompt is all about emerging into the process and our photo using one of my favourite creative ways to take a photo. It's a great one to help us emerge a bit more into the photo and this experience. How has it been emerging into the experience as a whole far?

Another night was lost to tossing & turning, feeling too tired to do anything but not tired enough to sleep. The skin below my right eye ached from hitting myself on the floor of the White Rock U-Lock Office on Saturday. I used my iPhone to take a few close-ups of my lonely face. Once I had one I liked, I placed it in the black circular frame I’ve been using to call attention to the idea that these selfies are constructed art objects devoid of any aura. Pictures imbued with a pragmatic, matter of fact quality.

By the time I did drift off, I slept past all of my alarms I wanted to wake me at 5am. As I crawled out of bed, Kira jumped down, scurrying towards the door. I scooped her up, bringing her into the washroom with me so she wouldn’t run & find a spot to pee inside. She curled up on the floor watching me as I stared at myself in the mirror, remembering how I had written on Facebook the night before: “Feeling really depressed & so alone tonight.”

I worked through my chores with a steady pace: I weighed myself (feeling pleased that I’m on a downward trend); took my blood glucose reading (which clocked in at a new low: 9.8 mmol/L), took my medication & supplements; brushed my teeth; showered; & got dressed. As I headed down the hallway, mum came out of her room, asking why I was dressed up. She’d forgotten that on Mondays I was out of the house. I’m not proud, but we exchanged some extremely sharp barbs over this. I left the house with it unresolved, & it left me feeling guilty, ashamed, & broken. June has been off to a horrible start.

I USED THE WORD 'EMERGING' BECAUSE I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT TO LET OURSELVES EASE INTO THE PROCESS. WHAT ARE THE COMFORT ZONES YOU'RE NOTICING SO FAR?

Are you noticing that some prompts are more outside your comfort zones than others? If you find yourself coming up against a comfort zone, could you let yourself use a tool like this and emerge into the photo gently rather than push yourself and make it all or nothing? Can you think of any other times you let yourself stretch into an experience, step by step and let yourself emerge gently?

The weight of depression is grinding me down. After art history, I drove downtown to see my new primary care physician, Dr Tundeep Bassi. “But you can call me Dr T!” he proclaimed. He’s so young, as though he should be in a university class instead of running a medical practice. The office I’ve known for 17 years has been made over, with new linoleum flooring replacing tight knit beige carpeting with freshly painted walls. He’s referring me to an endocrinologist to get my diabetes under control, which scares me. I don’t want to become dependent on insulin injections. I want to reverse this.

This was originally posted on Flickr and Instagram.

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