DAY 2: OUR BODY, OUR BREATH
I think it's SO common for us to hold our breath in photos but that disconnects us from our body and enhances any anxiety in our body that might be coming up. How did focusing on the breath feel for you?
March 2, 2022: Focusing on my breath provides me with a way to slow down when I get agitated, anxious and depressed.
When I remember to do it.
I never thought about it before but I do think that I held my breath, almost subconsciously, in past photos of me, regardless of whether it was a selfie or something taken by someone else. This is especially true in my annual high school photos. Looking back at them I can feel the anxiety that was in me, when I wanted to look so good but came off looking stiff, disconnected, and alone. The boy who gets bullied a lot often feels so alone. Even when he’s trying to look perfect.
I think the first two people to introduce me to the idea of focussing on the breath as a means of releasing anxiety were @julianjenkinsmedium and @thichnhathanh. This was in 2020, when I first tried to meditate regularly, just before midnight, as well as in the morning, not long after I’d wake up. It’s a practice I’ve come towards and moved away from a lot over the past few years. It’s as inconsistent as the timing of the depression that ebbs and flows in and out of my life, and today was the first time I returned to a morning meditation since having been hospitalized for my depression back in September 2021. For the first three days in hospital, I was monitored in isolation - in a prison cell like environment - surrounded by four brownish yellow brick walls and a large, overbearing steal door. There I’d sit on a small single sized plastic covered mattress with a knitted throw blanket to cover my nearly naked frame. Sitting in lotus position, I’d drape the blanket over my shoulders, covering the single blue Hospital gown that I’d wear like a trench coat so I could open and pull it close more easily. And it was in those moments that I’d meditate. Sometimes in almost complete silence, with nothing but the sound of my breath to quiet my monkey mind. Breathe in, deeply, through the nose, filling my lungs. Hold for two seconds, and breathe out through my mouth. Breathe in. Hold. Breathe out. In. Out. In. Out.
WHAT ARE SOME OTHER TOOLS FOR GROUNDING THAT YOU USE IN OTHER PARTS OF YOUR LIFE?
Ponder what tools or actions you take part in to get grounded. Maybe it's making a cup of tea. Maybe it is feeling your feet on the ground or doing mountain pose? Maybe it is noticing your senses. Or maybe it is a crystal you like to hold or a stone in your pocket that helps you get grounded. List them here! And then ponder...could we include some of these as part of our process this month? Could we make ourselves a cup of tea as we're reading the class activities and get grounded before we take our selfie? Or feel the ground beneath our feet before we pick up our camera?
Another practice I’ve enjoyed doing to ground myself in the moment over the last few years has been to walk barefoot on the grass in my backyard when I take my dogs outside to do their morning business. The coolness of the grass sends comfort up through my feet, legs, chest and up into my mind like a stream flowing up from the earth to the sky, using my body as a conduit. In those moments, I often look up at the sky, remembering how I’m just a small part of a much larger universe.
HOW DID FOCUSING ON SOME DEEP BREATHS FEEL FOR YOU AS YOU TOOK YOUR SELFIE? DID YOU NOTICE THE URGE TO HOLD YOUR BREATH?
Today, I held my hand over my heart as I breathed during my meditation. At the completion of my meditation I photographed my hand. It felt good to breathe as I snapped photos with my small Sony ZV-1 digital camera. I felt a sense of calm, which was much stronger than the anxiety that’s still hanging on inside. Becoming a little less influential over my day.
61/365.
This was originally posted on Instagram and Flickr.
Today’s photo prompt and reflective journaling questions for today was a part of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED photo workshop challenge which is run several times throughout the year by photographer VIVIENNE McMASTER. It’s well worth signing up for, and doing alongside other participants.
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