August 1, 2022 Subverted Selfie Project Post (Be Your Own Beloved Edition)

DAY  01:  TAKING  THE  FIRST  STEP

WHAT  ARE  YOU  HOPING  FOR  IN  THE  JOURNEY  AHEAD  THIS  MONTH?

As  we begin  this  month  of  opening  up  to  seeing  ourselves  with  kindness  through  our  cameras,  what  are you  hoping  for?

From August 1, 2022: So, 5 times lucky? Part of me wonders if I should leave this challenge till the fall & work on other short self-portraiture workshops I’m in. But with a new semester starting, I’m thinking I might not have as much time to commit to following along & reflecting upon the daily prompts the #beyourownbeloved challenge offers. And it would be much easier to do the shorter #workshops in the fall. So, I think August will be a do or die moment for me & this challenge.

I’ve been largely absent from @Instagram for the past month. When I was online, I took to tweeting more, as opposed to being here or on Facebook. I started working on a few @Coursera & @Udemy courses on art history, mindfulness & queer studies which are going well. I have a section for each on my website where I keep copies of some notes, interesting videos & written assignments related to each of the courses. So that’s been good.

I wasn’t well physically last week: I got my monkeypox vaccination which knocked me on my ass. My arm is still sore a week later in spite of regularly taking Advil. The week before that I did a 20km walk from Acadia Beach to Wreck Beach. It was overcast for most of the walk, but got sunny enough that as I approached Wreck, where I stopped to read awhile & then swim, I got burned. Today, my chest & parts of my back are still pink & raw, flaking away, in-spite of a daily regiment of applying copious amounts of aloe vera gel, Noxeema, moisturizer, & a tea tree oil cream at different times throughout the day.

What  would  you  love  to  feel  in  this  experience?  Are  there  certain  types  of  selfies  you hope  to  capture?

The mindfulness has been helpful, especially with my depression. I was supposed to return to counselling with Kwantlen, but it was going to be a new male counsellor & I totally froze up over the prospect of having to share my issues from scratch with him. That… & well, it’s a him. I know I said I’d see anyone but I just assumed I’d land with another female counsellor.

IT  CAN  BE  POWERFUL  TO  GIVE  VOICE  TO  WHAT  WE'RE  NERVOUS  OR FEARFUL  OF  TOO.  WHAT  FEARS  OR  WORRIES  ARE  ON  YOUR  MIND? By  giving  them  space  to  be  heard  and  knowing  that  they  might  come  up  again,  it  can  help  us  begin  to diffuse  their  power  over  us!

I don’t know why I froze up. I slept in and when I couldn’t find my car keys, I was so frustratedly angry with myself that by the time I found them I was late, and I just broke down in tears. Embarrassed at how foolish I’ve become. I haven’t called him back since. Maybe I should this week. We’ll see.

213/365.

This was originally posted on Instagram and Flickr.

#beyourownbeloved #beyourownbeloved💖 #depressionhelp #depressionawareness #startingover #selflove #selflovejourney #selflove #dailyselfie #dailywriting #subvertedselfies #subvertedselfie #art #photography #photo #feet

——

Today’s photo prompt and reflective journaling questions for today was a part of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED photo workshop challenge which is run several times throughout the year by photographer VIVIENNE McMASTER. It’s well worth signing up for, and doing alongside other participants. Note that there’s no requirement to share your photos outside of the group. You don’t even have to share the writing reflections with the group, let alone publicly as I do. It’s a very supportive and private safe space that McMaster provides.

@beyouroewnbeloved @beyourownbelovedportraits

July 4, 2022 Subverted Selfie Project Post (Be Your Own Beloved Edition)

DAY 04: THE STORY OF YOU

Today we're exploring tell your story, your body's story. Let's get inspired by one part of our bodies and tell their story, focusing on a part of your body you can invite in compassion towards through this story.

You might use some of these suggestions or create your own. Let some of those stories of you spill out onto this page and into your photo today.

THESE FEET HAVE TAKEN ME...

THESE ARMS HAVE HELD...

THIS BELLY HAS NOURISHED...

THESE HANDS HAVE CREATED...

THESE EYES HAVE SEEN...

THESE EARS HAVE HEARD...

July 4, 2022: I spoke with my #doctor this morning. He wants me to continue taking my anti-anxiety and #antidepressant #medications daily for the next two weeks as it takes the body time to adjust. Hopefully I won’t be as sleepy as I have been at the end of those two weeks. We’ll see.

THESE ARMS HAVE HELD my best friend at the time, Lisa, after I had dropped off my nomination papers to run for another term on the Kwantlen University College Board of Governors and Education Council, and received a phone call from my choked up teary eyed Mom saying that my Dad had passed away at just after 2pm, October 7, 2004. As I folded shut my small Nokia flip phone, the tears began to flow and Lisa knew. She cradled me in her arms, letting me hug her tight as I sobbed so deeply in that dimly lit hallway just outside the registrar’s office. Thank you Lisa for your friendship and trust in moments like that.

THESE ARMS HAVE HELD my first #girlfriend Amanda, each Friday night during that all too short summer so long ago, after we’d have watched a movie and an episode of Star Trek Voyager together, on my bed, alone in my room. There was never any fondling, heavy petting or #kissing but there was an incredible closeness I know we both felt deep in our bones. I remember the slow, heavy breathing, as our hands caressed each other’s faces and ran down each other’s backs. These moments were as close to #tantric as either of us had ever been. Thank you Amanda, for teaching me #restraint, how to live in the moment, and for being the first woman to ever make me feel like I was attractive, and wanted.

THESE ARMS HAVE HELD myself in moments of #abamdonment, depression, #distress, #frustration, #loneliness, #overwhelm, and #sadness.

THESE ARMS HAVE HELD myself in moments of #contentment, #euphoria, #exhileration, #good #fortune, #happiness, #horniness, #excitement, #lust, #joy, and #success.

This was originally posted on Instagram and Flickr.

185/365.

——

Today’s photo prompt and reflective journaling questions for today was a part of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED photo workshop challenge which is run several times throughout the year by photographer VIVIENNE McMASTER. It’s well worth signing up for, and doing alongside other participants. Note that there’s no requirement to share your photos outside of the group. You don’t even have to share the writing reflections with the group, let alone publicly as I do. It’s a very supportive and private safe space that McMaster provides.

@beyouroewnbeloved @beyourownbelovedportraits

July 3, 2022 Subverted Selfie Project Post (Be Your Own Beloved Edition)

DAY 3: EMERGING INTO THE IMAGE

HOW HAS IT BEEN EMERGING INTO THIS EXPERIENCE?

Today's prompt is all about emerging into the process and our photo using one of my favourite creative ways to take a photo. It's a great one to help us emerge a bit more into the photo and this experience. How has it been emerging into the experience as a whole far?

July 3, 2022: my anti-anxiety #medication once again knocked me out and I slept in this morning well past 9am. So I missed the regular live session of Aaron Doughty’s 21 Day Confidence Love Challenge, but I was up just in time to catch the bonus VIP session which was really good, especially the small breakout group session Doughty had us do, where we were able to more deeply share about the kinds of #stories we tell ourselves that inform each person’s own limiting beliefs. It was good to share, although my thoughts seemed to randomly pour out of me, almost incoherently like a passage from a James Joyce novel.

I USED THE WORD 'EMERGING' BECAUSE I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT TO LET OURSELVES EASE INTO THE PROCESS. WHAT ARE THE COMFORT ZONES YOU'RE NOTICING SO FAR?

Are you noticing that some prompts are more outside your comfort zones than others? If you find yourself coming up against a comfort zone, could you let yourself use a tool like this and emerge into the photo gently rather than push yourself and make it all or nothing? Can you think of any other times you let yourself stretch into an experience, step by step and let yourself emerge gently?

I’m struggling to write this post today. I feel a little empty inside. A little #depressed. A little #exhausted, which honestly, feels like an oxymoron. Usually I can #ramble on about what’s good and bad in my #life, but today, I’m at such a loss to find the #words.

Words.

Words.

I snapped this photo waiting for takeout today - the only meal I ate: a Five Guys bacon cheeseburger with green peppers, ketchup, lettuce, onions, mustard, pickles, relish, and tomatoes. I snacked on the #fries during my ride to my Mum’s, where we sat in the kitchen eating our burgers in #silence.

I did a few loads of laundry.

I did a few sessions of a Udemy course on @microsoft Word I’m doing. There was no ribbon when I first learned the program years ago. I’m also figuring out how to do things in Corel WordPerfect at the same time - some things are different but other things are the same.

I did a bit of organizing in the garage.

I listened to Shannon Kaiser’s new book RETURN TO ME which she recorded for SoundsTrue and Audible.

I wrote this while #yawning several times.

I want to #sleep but I toss and turn.

Today feels like SUCH a waste.

I feel hungover from the anti anxiety meds I took last night. The drowsiness is like a fog even 24 hours later. My doctor is set to call in the morning. So I’ll have to tell him this: I can’t function on these meds if all they do is put me to sleep. I did that well enough on my own without the meds during the day, thanks to my depression. I thought these meds were supposed to pick me up, not slap me down harder.

This post was originally posted to Instagram and Flickr.

184/365.

——

Today’s photo prompt and reflective journaling questions for today was a part of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED photo workshop challenge which is run several times throughout the year by photographer VIVIENNE McMASTER. It’s well worth signing up for, and doing alongside other participants. Note that there’s no requirement to share your photos outside of the group. You don’t even have to share the writing reflections with the group, let alone publicly as I do. It’s a very supportive and private safe space that McMaster provides.

@beyouroewnbeloved @beyourownbelovedportraits