October 1, 2023 Subverted Selfie Project Post (Be Your Own Beloved Edition)

October 1, 2023

DAY 1: TAKING THE FIRST STEP

As we begin this month of opening up to seeing ourselves with kindness through our cameras, what are you hoping for?

It’s October 1 & this month I envision cultivating a new relationship with myself. One where I’m kinder, & more gentle with myself. One where I’m more mindful about how I approach experiences & people in my life. One where I remember to get some exercise each week. One where I’m more aware about what I eat. One where I tackle a little bit of the many chores I have to do each & every day. One where I take a moment to breathe & reflect. One where I get things done.

What would you love to feel in this experience?

To that end, there’s something that I would love to feel in this experience - a sense of completion. I don’t want to live a life where my wheels keep spinning in the mud. Today, I envision that the mud is drying & the vehicle that takes me through life is finally able to gain traction again.

Are there certain types of selfies you hope to capture?

As such, I’d like to shoot selfies this month that are creatively interesting, & paired with reflections that help me reveal a little bit of what’s buried in my soul.

IT CAN BE POWERFUL TO GIVE VOICE TO WHAT WE'RE NERVOUS OR FEARFUL OF TOO. WHAT FEARS OR WORRIES ARE ON YOUR MIND?

Of course, I do worry that I won’t finish the things I’ve started. My life seems to be full of that: 1 step forward, & 3 steps back. For once I’d like to take some steps forward, and little to no steps back. That’s always been my biggest fear, where I not only let others down, but myself as well.

By giving them space to be heard and knowing that they might come up again, it can help us begin to diffuse their power over us!

WHAT ARE YOU HOPING FOR IN THE JOURNEY AHEAD THIS MONTH?

Finally, I’m hopeful that my feet heal fully, so I can start my daily walks again. It’s scary to think how I came so close to losing toes on the right side of my foot. I know I shouldn’t have waited so long to seek treatment. I’m not beating myself up for my choices, but I’m going to learn from them.

HAVE YOU TAKEN YOUR PHOTO ALREADY? IF NOT...ARE YOU FEELING RESISTANT? IF SO, IT'S TOTALLY OKAY AND LET'S EXPLORE WHY!

You might fine that with this or any prompt, you feel resistant. That is totally okay and it can actually be really good thing as it's a sign that there is change ahead. Your inner critic doesn't want you to change and it works really hard to prevent that. So when we feel that resistant feeling it's usually a sign that we SHOULD do it, no matter what our inner critic says. So let's compassionately and playfully step into our resistance to a prompt, keep going...keep trying. Out past our resistance is our realizations!

Plus, we're on Day 1 of a class, beginning a process of taking a photo every day! Today is about creating that motion in the process and this space it to let yourself acknowledge the resistance and see what happens next!

Today, I wasn’t sure what kind of photo I should take. I wanted a closer shot of my foot but I was hooked up to my IV when I snapped this picture, so I’m going to live with it.

HOW DID IT FEEL TO TAKE YOUR FIRST STEP?

How did it feel to go for it and take your photo? How did it feel to go past your resistance? What are you excited about in the journey ahead?

I felt apprehensive about the photo I took today. I cringe a little seeing the wrinkles, & the discolouration on some of my nails. My feet look dry, harsh, worn, & old. I need to keep them moisturized, by using cream, & by drinking more water. I’m also apprehensive about posting this photo, but it’s a good starting point for it shows me what I don’t want my feet to look like. With time, care, & attention, they can be healed. They can feel & look great again.

(274/365)

This was originally posted on Instagram and Flickr.

Today’s photo prompt and reflective journaling questions for today was a part of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED photo workshop challenge which is run several times throughout the year by photographer VIVIENNE McMASTER. It’s well worth signing up for, and doing alongside other participants.

September 30, 2023 Introduction

September 30, 2023

I’m Steven, writing to you all from South Surrey, British Columbia, Canada. It’s about a 40m drive southeast of downtown Vancouver. My pronouns are they / them / their, but I don’t get upset if anyone uses he / him by accident.

Photo > Steven Lee. “Displacement.” Flickr, 11 Feb 2023.

The favourite photo of myself that I posted to the group pool is a joiner collage I made when I was hospitalized back in February following a stroke I had on January 31. I took a fair amount of photos when I was in hospital, as it was fairly easy to do, but I was often tired so I didn’t do much written reflection as I posted them. I like making joiners - photographer David Hockney is a British pop artist painter who first started doing these back in the 1970s / 80s. They give the image an analytical cubist feel, similar to the paintings created by Picasso and Braque over 110 years ago.

I’ve had a slow recovery, complicated by injuries to my feet I sustained in July, where the skin on some of my toes peeled off after doing yardwork in sandals where I was hosing down some pathways and porches at my Mom’s house, while wearing sandals. My feet had already been quite dry, so this work didn’t help me any. I remember after doing it for about an hour, looking down and seeing the skin peeling away, and blood mixing in with the water around my feet. I tried healing them on my own, and the left toes have been doing well but the right ones became infected, and very swollen, until the pain was so bad I finally went into the hospital on August 14. Everyday since then, I’ve been on antibiotic IV therapy, with wound treatment every few days. The toes are healing, but it’s taking time, and I’m going to be having six more weeks of IV.

Currently, I’m a third year fine art student at Kwantlen Polytechnic University. I love drawing, painting, performance art, photography (both analogue and digital), and sculpture. Themes I explore in my work are related to the changing environment as well as portrayals of the self. I also enjoy writing, and in recent years my writing has focused on creative nonfiction / memoir.

I’ve started the Be Your Own Beloved course a couple of times before but due to ongoing issues with anxiety and major depression, I haven’t finished the program. Perhaps this third time will be lucky? I look forward to getting to know everyone and seeing the images people create.

Photo > Steven Lee. “February 12, 2023 Subverted Selfie Project Post.” Flickr, 12 Feb 2023.

October 4, 2022 Subverted Selfie Project Post (Be Your Own Beloved Edition)

October 4, 2022

DAY 04: THE STORY OF YOU

Today we're exploring tell your story, your body's story. Let's get inspired by one part of our bodies and tell their story, focusing on a part of your body you can invite in compassion towards through this story.

You might use some of these suggestions or create your own. Let some of those stories of you spill out onto this page and into your photo today.

THESE FEET HAVE TAKEN ME...
THESE ARMS HAVE HELD...
THIS BELLY HAS NOURISHED...
THESE HANDS HAVE CREATED...
THESE EYES HAVE SEEN...
THESE EARS HAVE HEARD...

From October 4, 2022: THESE #EARS HAVE #HEARD my raspy #coughing spurred on by the #sickness that’s overtaken me this past week. And these ears have heard the sound of my iPhone #ringing in the early afternoon today, as well as the #sound of my doctor who phoned me after I had setup an appointment with him the day before to figure out why I’ve been so sick. And these ears have heard the sound of his soothing #voice come to a diagnosis as well as a course of action, involving me getting several tests done and then starting on a regiment of #antibiotics twice a day.

These ears have heard the sound of #water spraying out from a shower head as I felt it running through the hair on my head, down over my body to land on the shower floor, trickling towards and swirling down the drain.

These ears have heard the sound of a gentle summer’s breeze, slightly rustling the leaves of a big leaf maple as the #afternoon #sun shines down. And these ears have heard the #ocean waves crash and roll against the rocky shoreline of Acadia beach, as the sound of my sandalled feet pressing against the rocks enter my ear step by step, as my otherwise #nude body wanders southwest towards Wreck beach, cradled by, and fully immersed in the nature of this lonesome area.

And these ears have heard the sound of my canaries singing, six or seven of them across the span of my life so far, each one with its own unique song that filled my homes with a comforting joy that made them feel a little less lonely.

And these ears have heard the sound of my lover’s #breathing in unison with mine. And these ears have heard the sound of our lips kissing each other’s skin, as well as the sound of their fingers, hands, and arms caressing the skin of my body. And these ears have heard the sound of skin slapping against skin and the moaning and groaning that escaped our mouths until we each reached our own unique climactic sound, often a moaning and sighing of great release. And most memorable of all, these ears have heard the sound of my lover’s heartbeat pounding fast as the side of my face lay pressed against their chest as we both recover.

This was originally posted on Instagram and Flickr.

277/365.

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Today’s photo prompt and reflective journaling questions was a part of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED photo workshop challenge which is run several times throughout the year by photographer VIVIENNE McMASTER. It’s well worth signing up for, and doing alongside other participants. Note that there’s no requirement to share your photos outside of the group. You don’t even have to share the writing reflections with the group, let alone publicly as I do. It’s a very supportive and private safe space that McMaster provides.

@beyouroewnbeloved @beyourownbelovedportraits