October 3, 2022 Subverted Selfie Project Post (Be Your Own Beloved Edition)

DAY 03: EMERGING INTO THE IMAGE

HOW HAS IT BEEN EMERGING INTO THIS EXPERIENCE?

Today's prompt is all about emerging into the process and our photo using one of my favourite creative ways to take a photo. It's a great one to help us emerge a bit more into the photo and this experience. How has it been emerging into the experience as a whole far?

From October 3, 2022: Tonight, I lit several #candles in my bathroom before I dimmed the lights and drew a #hot #bath and let my #naked #body sink into it. I lay in the stillness of the green foamy water around me. My face, along with a bit of my @Vicks_US #Vaporub covered chest, as well as my knees being the only parts of me that weren’t submerged. The hum of the bathroom’s #dehumidifier #fan was muffled by the water that my ears were surrounded by. Being under the water, even the sound of my #breath was amplified by the water in the tub. The smell of bath salts mixed with the vaporub and soothed incessant coughing that’s plagued me over the past few days. The only thing that kept me awake was the holding of my iPhone in my left hand. At first, I used it to shoot this photo, before finding some soothing meditation music on YouTube that I put on before putting my phone down on part of the ledge that formed the rim of the tub I was in.

I USED THE WORD 'EMERGING' BECAUSE I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT TO LET OURSELVES EASE INTO THE PROCESS. WHAT ARE THE COMFORT ZONES YOU'RE NOTICING SO FAR?

Are you noticing that some prompts are more outside your comfort zones than others? If you find yourself coming up against a comfort zone, could you let yourself use a tool like this and emerge into the photo gently rather than push yourself and make it all or nothing? Can you think of any other times you let yourself stretch into an experience, step by step and let yourself emerge gently?

It’s difficult when you’re sick to remember to take these photos, let alone think deeply and write reflections about them. Often, I simply snapped the photos, and then wrote about them later - which I’m doing right now, on October 11, for a photo I shot ob October 3. It feels like I’m falling into that old trap of starting something and not finishing it. But what can you finish on days when you’re barely awake, fighting a headache with a fever, congestion, an upset stomach and horrible diarrhea? Hardly anything. So, to be honest, just shooting the photos was enough for me.

276/365.

#beyourownbeloved💖 #depressionhelp #depressionawareness #startingover #selflove #selflovejourney #selflove #dailyselfie #dailywriting #subvertedselfies #subvertedselfie #art #photography #sad #depressed

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Today’s photo prompt and reflective journaling questions for today was a part of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED photo workshop challenge which is run several times throughout the year by photographer VIVIENNE McMASTER. It’s well worth signing up for, and doing alongside other participants. Note that there’s no requirement to share your photos outside of the group. You don’t even have to share the writing reflections with the group, let alone publicly as I do. It’s a very supportive and private safe space that McMaster provides.

@beyouroewnbeloved @beyourownbelovedportraits

October 2, 2022 Subverted Selfie Project Post (Be Your Own Beloved Edition)

DAY 02: OUR BODY, OUR BREATH

I think it's SO common for us to hold our breath in photos but that disconnects us from our body and enhances any anxiety in our body that might be coming up. How did focusing on the breath feel for you?

From October 2, 2022: I’ve just #showered, and I’m lying in #bed, trying to #rest. I’m #exhausted, even though I look oddly #peaceful in the photos I just snapped. A short book, THE MINDFUL WRITER, by Dinty W. Moore, lies beside me along with a rainbow @squishmallows that looks as #defeated, staring up blankly at the ceiling, as I feel on my third day of being really #sick. I think I’ve tried a dozen times to start it, but I fail every time to get past the third page because I just can’t concentrate.

I’m trying to focus in on my breath, but it’s difficult as I keep coughing. Not even the extra strength Halls cough candy is doing anything to give me even the smallest bit of relief from the coughing. It’s warm menthol smell floats through my mouth and nose, but in-spite of this I find that when I try to breathe in, through my nose, I cough. And when I try to hold my breath inside my lungs, I hack. And when I try to breathe out through my mouth, I choke. It’s a process that repeats itself, and to be honest, it’s disconnecting me from being able to find relaxation in the present moment as I find myself getting angry with myself for being physically sick.

WHAT ARE SOME OTHER TOOLS FOR GROUNDING THAT YOU USE IN OTHER PARTS OF YOUR LIFE?

Ponder what tools or actions you take part in to get grounded. Maybe it's making a cup of tea. Maybe it is feeling your feet on the ground or doing mountain pose? Maybe it is noticing your senses. Or maybe it is a crystal you like to hold or a stone in your pocket that helps you get grounded. List them here! And then ponder...could we include some of these as part of our process this month? Could we make ourselves a cup of tea as we're reading the class activities and get grounded before we take our selfie? Or feel the ground beneath our feet before we pick up our camera?

I go to the kitchen to make a cup of Neocotrin, and maybe I’ll make a second cup of tea. I don’t know yet. My halls is getting smaller and soon my teeth are able to crush what’s left and I feel it’s slivers across my tongue which soon disappear from the steady sucking I’ve employed on its destruction. When my allergies used to be bad, I’d live on Halls as a means of providing relief from the congestion and constant sneezing that would take over in those moments, for hours at a time.

As soon as the boiling water hits the neocotrin crystals, the smell of lemon wafts up from the cup to float up into my nostrils, where they are gently sucked into my lungs. It’s calming, and needed, even though the drink is too hot to enjoy right away, I find myself starting to sweat again, and I don’t know what the rest of the night will bring.

275/365.

This was originally posted on Instagram and Flickr.

#beyourownbeloved #beyourownbeloved💖 #depressionhelp #depressionawareness #startingover #selflove #selflovejourney #selflove #dailyselfie #dailywriting #subvertedselfies

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Today’s photo prompt and reflective journaling questions for today was a part of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED photo workshop challenge which is run several times throughout the year by photographer VIVIENNE McMASTER. It’s well worth signing up for, and doing alongside other participants. Note that there’s no requirement to share your photos outside of the group. You don’t even have to share the writing reflections with the group, let alone publicly as I do. It’s a very supportive and private safe space that McMaster provides.

@beyouroewnbeloved @beyourownbelovedportraits

October 1, 2022 Subverted Selfie Project Post (Be Your Own Beloved Edition)

DAY  01:  TAKING  THE  FIRST  STEP

WHAT  ARE  YOU  HOPING  FOR  IN  THE  JOURNEY  AHEAD  THIS  MONTH?

As  we begin  this  month  of  opening  up  to  seeing  ourselves  with  kindness  through  our  cameras,  what  are you  hoping  for?

From October 1, 2022: It’s the first of the #month and I already feel the pressure of being behind. I just don’t have any energy due to some kind of stomach bug I’ve come down with. At the time I took this photo, I had just scrubbed my feet in the shower, and rubbed more moisturizer all over them. It took a lot longer than expected. I felt the cold tile settle into the naked skin of my buttocks as I sat cross legged. The water hit my head and trickled down my back as I lathered up the brush I was going to use on my #feet. Both feet are bruised here and there, and on my left foot scabs have formed over the parts where my sandals had cut into the flesh during a long walk I did on September 3. Getting up took awhile as I felt winded by this simplest of tasks.

It’s a new month, and like a scaled down version of some New Years resolutions, I often think about my expectations for the month ahead. Firstly, I’m hoping I won’t get sicker in the days to come. Secondly, I’m hoping I’ll be able to keep ahead of the things I always feel like I’m behind with: from my school work, to work that’s needed to be done in the house and in the yard, and to my own personal development with activities like this daily selfie project, listening to more of Natalie Goldberg, and just getting outside to walk again.

IT  CAN  BE  POWERFUL  TO  GIVE  VOICE  TO  WHAT  WE'RE  NERVOUS  OR FEARFUL  OF  TOO.  WHAT  FEARS  OR  WORRIES  ARE  ON  YOUR  MIND?

By  giving  them  space  to  be  heard  and  knowing  that  they  might  come  up  again,  it  can  help  us  begin  to diffuse  their  power  over  us!

I’m still finding myself #afraid of failing with these #resolutions though. I don’t want to fall behind, and I definitely don’t want to fail with getting things done. And I don’t want to be #depressed with life as I so often have been. I’m also finding myself afraid of feeling #lonely again. That #emptiness is always there, like it’s stalking me on one hand but also ready to jump out at me as soon as I found the next corner. I don’t want to feel that way anymore. Each time I seem to start something with gusto, I just stumble and fall. Sometimes it’s for reasons beyond my control. Like getting physically sick. But often it’s for reasons that are in my control. And that frightens me more, it feeds my #anxiety because - what if I don’t get it done? What if I just pick at the scabs of my #insecurities, letting them drown me in a pool of my own blood?

But I have to try.

274/365

This was originally posted on Instagram and Flickr.

#beyourownbeloved #beyourownbeloved💖 #depressionhelp #depressionawareness #startingover #selflove #selflovejourney #selflove #dailyselfie #dailywriting #subvertedselfies #subvertedselfie #art #photography #photo #feet #heels #scar

——

Today’s photo prompt and reflective journaling questions for today was a part of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED photo workshop challenge which is run several times throughout the year by photographer VIVIENNE McMASTER. It’s well worth signing up for, and doing alongside other participants. Note that there’s no requirement to share your photos outside of the group. You don’t even have to share the writing reflections with the group, let alone publicly as I do. It’s a very supportive and private safe space that McMaster provides.

@beyouroewnbeloved @beyourownbelovedportraits