SKILLSHARE - Creative Journey: 30 Days of Self Portraits as a Means of Self Discovery

For the month of January I’ve committed to focussing my subverted selfie project on my participation in a Skillshare workshop that’s been designed to be done over 30 days. Specifically, the course is called “Creative Journey: 30 Days of Self Portraits as a Means of Self Discovery” and it’s taught by professor Lucy Lambriex (who also teaches the workshop I’ve been doing about overcoming cameras shyness).

Day 02: THE OBJECT

The second day’s theme asked students to choose an object that evokes a meaning, and speaks volumes about yourself… and portray it in a way that part of you is in the photo as well. This post also served as my subverted selfie post for January 2, 2022 on Instagram.

  1. Which object did you chose? I chose a small get well soon teddy bear, that holds importance to me as I got her while I was hospitalized last fall for issues related to my ongoing depression. I even wrote about the meaning she held to me in this Instagram post from September 27, 2021. At first, I thought it was going to be hard finding an object, but once I glanced at my nightstand and saw my little bear, whose name is Bianca, I knew I had found the object to portray in today’s selfie.

  2. What was it like to play with? I enjoyed holding her in different positions. She comforts me so easily when I’m feeling anxious, overwhelmed or stressed. I’ve photographed myself with this bear before, and as such, I knew I wanted to shoot this object with me differently than I have done before. I think maybe in the future, I’d incorporate movement into the shot, by perhaps tossing her up in the air somehow. But that would require more work to do, and using an interval timer to shoot several shots in a row.

Day 01: THE BODY PART

The first day’s theme asked students to explore a specific body part in a variety of different angles. It made me remember what Ron Long had to say about photographing wild flowers, in that it was best to work your subject from as many angles.

I actually made the first photo my subverted selfie project post for January 1, 2022, which is an ongoing Instagram project I’ve been trying to do daily since January 1, 2020. It’s also posted on my Flickr.

The project had me answer several questions about today’s prompt, which I answered as follows:

  1. Which body part did you pick? Ultimately, I decided to focus in on my index finger. But shooting this finger wasn’t necessarily my first choice. I actually started playing with shooting my middle finger.

  2. Why? Part of my initial choice to focus on my middle finger was as a homage to Ai Wei Wei and his STUDY OF PERSPECTIVE photographic series he did between 1995 and 2003. For me, I found myself frustrated with having to shovel the sidewalks again, as they had been filled in by the City of Surrey street ploughs, who send snow from the street flying onto the sidewalks. So I considered posting a photo and complaining about their work crews, who can and have gone slower along the streets when they see me clearing the sidewalks, and when they do that, the snow doesn’t go flying onto the sidewalks. But I didn’t like the photos I was getting. The lighting wasn’t bright enough and I wasn’t able to get my camera to focus in on my finger. Wei-Wei’s fingers aren’t always tack sharp either, but I wasn’t looking to get an exact replica of the kind of photos he took. So ultimately I moved away from that as his photos do carry a lot of history, and more serious issues that people have with more authoritarian governments, and I didn’t necessarily want to equate my gripe with my local city government to those who have much more serious concerns, which can even border on matters of freedom or life and death circumstances. I also wanted my finger to be in focus, without using flash, and that just wasn’t happening because of when I tried making this photo, in the early evening. I think that photo would have been easier to make had I done it earlier in the day when it was brighter. You can see one of Wei-Wei’s photos compared with my attempt posted below.

    The decision to shoot the other finger made more sense, it was easier to get different angles of it, and it didn’t have the negative connotations that the middle finger has, as it’s often associated with a rude gesture.

  3. Describe what it was like to chose a body part to portray? Overall, I admit I had some problems trying to figure out which body part to shoot for this project. I wish I had made the decision to shoot that finger earlier in the day as it’s easy to shoot that anytime, I could have played with it under different lighting conditions and doing different things… which would have given me more photos to choose from at the end of the day.

  4. Describe what it was like to see the result? I’m happier with my index finger photos though. I still shot them outside, but closer to my house where I got nice lighting from a motion sensor light that was on. I could have tried the middle finger again but without the sidewalk shown, it would not have had the same connotations as my original idea had - I’d have been just flipping the bird at a small pile of snow. So I took a photo of my finger shown holding the shovel, and then I took several shots of just my finger in the same spot.

SKILLSHARE - “Sort” - SELF PORTRAITS: TELLING YOUR UNIQUE STORY

Today, I completed a short workshop on Skillshare called SELF PORTRAITS: TELLING YOUR UNIQUE STORY, by photographer Tabitha Park. Specifically, my project expresses the story of my ongoing struggle to organize my house.

Brainstorming…

In my word web, mind mapping / brainstorming session I thought about several possible projects including spending more time with my dog Kira, after having had to put down a second dog I had, Chanel, after a cancerous golf ball like tumour was discovered. A second project involved possibly photographing myself clearing snow. And then this idea was there too. I’ve photographed this part of my life before, but I’m becoming more determined to actually do something about it now.

Artist’s Statement…

I wanted to create a series that highlighted the claustrophobic feeling I get when I approach this challenge. Using my Sony ZV-1 camera, I shot the series using manual mode, ISO250, with 24mm @ 1/6s in a RAW file format. To keep the camera steady, I did mount it on a tripod. And inspired by Professor Park’s example, I was able to find the settings to start shooting after 4s and to take 5 or 6 shots with the camera having a 4s interval between each shot. My low f-stop also meant I would be blurred as I worked on starting to sort recycling that needs to go to the depot. I think I knew this would happen but then I was pleasantly surprised at the shots where I was blurry. For the first time, I edited the photos in Adobe Lightroom for iPhone. The only downside to this was the inability to batch process the five photos I selected from the two dozen I shot. I had found a lovely recommended preset that the program suggested for the first three photos photos. But I couldn’t figure out how to apply them to the last two photos, as the program recommended totally different presets.

Overall I am happy with these shots. I guess I could have avoided the presets and just edited each photo individually. I’m noticing in the last photo the blues are a bit darker from the early shots.

“It’s important to take self portraits over time, because it will tell your story as it changes… It’s depicting your physical and emotional change(s), and you can look back and remember what you were thinking and feeling at the time. You have a record of each of these times in your life and who you were, and all the facets of who you are as a human.” - Tabitha Park, from her SkillShare workshop, SELF PORTRAITS: TELLING YOUR UNIQUE STORY

These photos were originally posted to Skillshare, 500px, Flickr, Instagram / Instagram, and VSCO.

Certificate of Completion…

The following is my certificate of completion for having completed SELF PORTRAITS: TELLING YOUR UNIQUE STORY.

SUBVERTED SELFIE PROJECT POST - November 11, 2021: “Pins of remembrance”

I often wear different pins and wanted to showcase a few that came this last week from sellers on @etsy.

With #RemembranceDay just around the corner, I got 2 beautiful #poppy pins from @barnodesignsco, located in the UK. They had many variations of pins including the traditional red. I chose one that included the slogan, “ALL GAVE SOME, SOME GAVE ALL.” It’s a #quote first attributed to #KoreanWar Veteran Howard William Osterkamp. Osterkamp was a Purple Heart recipient who continued to #fight even after his leg was broken. The phrase is generally tied to American military members who were wounded or killed in action, but it can be associated with those who fell in any war. For me, the fact that Osterkamp fought in Korea, reminds me of my Father, Dr Han Choo (Hanju) Lee, who came to Canada in 1952 to escape the horrors of that war which physically divided his country of birth.

The second poppy I got features the poppy with the LGBTQ 🏳️‍🌈 rainbow colours, highlighting the fact that many gay, lesbian and transgender soldiers have fought for their countries and fallen. As someone who came out last year as #demipansexual and #genderfluid, it’s important to remember the fact that Queer individuals have fought before across the history of our world. The @BBC @BBCNEWS ‘s Bethen Bell in a 2017 article titled, “Forbidden love: The WW2 letters between two men” highlights the story of Gilbert Bradley and the letters he wrote to the love of his life, Gordon Bowsher. Having homosexual relations in the military at that time was illegal, under the penalty of death. The @wwiimuseum in New Orleans has a beautiful page dedicated to LGBTQ+ in WW2 that is worth visiting and it features many articles and stories about brave LGBTQ+ men and women who fought for America. The Canadian Encyclopedia also has a great article titled “Canada’s Cold War Purge of LGBTQ from the Military” which shows how the Canadian military discriminated against LGBTQ servicemen and women for decades, even into the 1990s.

So it might be a bit controversial to wear these variations as the @royalcanadianlegion does have a recommended protocol for wearing the poppy lapel pin it distributes, although they do state on their website that ultimately “…wearing a Poppy is a personal expression of Remembrance, and how someone chooses to wear a Poppy is always an individual choice.”

This photo and text were also shared on my 500px, Flickr, Instagram, and VSCO.

MY CREATIVE NON-FICTION: “How I Became a Writer Again”

As it flows up through my straw into my mouth, the cool, tart flavour of my blueberry ice tea lemonade dances on my tongue. I love that it isn’t disgustingly sweet like something from Starbucks. I bought the tea at Laura’s Coffee Corner, a cafe I’ve visited to write. The smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies is enticing as I stare at the fine grey dotted lines that flow evenly across the beige pages of my notebook where I’ve scribbled the words I remember followed by a single set of ellipses.

I breathe in. The whizzzzzzsh of the steam frothing milk for lattes makes my mind ask, “A hot chocolate maybe…?” But in this heat, no. I breathe out. The deat deat deat of an order being rung up reminds me to get something onto the page, so I can type it up later. 

I remember... But what do I remember? 

The buzzing chatter of customers, some waiting in line with a friend, others on their mobile phones. Then there are those already ordering, and one stands out to me as he sounds like Sally from the movie When Harry Met Sally. Others are seated, eating and sipping their drinks while chatting with friends or family. Then, my mind acknowledges the dance remix that’s been playing, DJ Bob Sinclair’s Rock This Party: Everybody Dance Now. The song is really catchy, and frolics in my head like the ice tea did in my mouth. My right foot also starts to tap and shuffle to the catchy beat.

I remember… when the blank page didn’t leave me feeling so paralyzed. A chill runs down my shoulder blades. My hand shakes ever so slightly, and I realize my pen has been digging into the skin of my fingers. The sturdy wooden chair I’m sitting in is warm, and I’ve noticed how my right hand grazes the polished grain of the table I’m seated at. “Okay. Five minute timed writing.” I say to myself in my best cooked up Brooklyn accent. I open the clock app on my iPhone and set the timer to a five minute countdown, saying with confidence, “Steve, you got this.” 

I breathe in through my nose, filling my lungs as I whisper, “I breathe in, and I know that I’m alive.” I hold the breath for few seconds, to ground myself in the moment. I close my eyes to the hustle that surrounds me and declare, “I breathe out, and I know that I can write.” 

And I write.

Later, I open my Amazon Kindle and find Natalie Goldberg’s Writing Down The Bones is open, and I scroll through the highlighted passages I’ve made. This one stands out: “Jack Kerouac, in his list of prose essentials said, “Be submissive to everything. Open. Listening.” He also said, “No time for poetry, but exactly what is.” If you can capture the way things are, that’s all the poetry you’ll ever need” (66).

  • (c) August 28, 2021 - Steven Hanju Lee

Twin Flame Resources

In 2020, I learned about the Twin Flame dynamic and for me the central tenant behind this idea is the return to self. That is, becoming the best person you can be, by aligning your personality with your soul. The personality is your ego, it’s tied to the five senses which have helped humans navigate the Earth school. The soul however, exists in a place of pure, unconditional compassion, forgiveness, gratitude, love and reverence for all life (both human and nonhuman - including animals, insects, the planet and even our universe) starting with yourself.

As a part of this journey, I’ve watched many videos on YouTube, and I’ve compiled my favourites into different playlists. At first I dumped them into one big playlist, but I’ve been breaking that out into more focused lists related to different spiritual self improvement topics. Some are nicely organized, in alphabetical order while others are not!

Eventually I’ll add books to this and documentaries as well. So check back often as this will be a very organic list that grows over time. And if you have any resources you want to share, please do so in the comments below.

Twin Flame YouTube Playlists

Other Helpful YouTube Playlists

Articles & Blog Posts

Twin Flame Readers

Udemy Workshop Courses

Note: Never pay full price for a Udemy workshop course. If you’re interested in any course but it’s expensive, create an account and add it to a wish list. Then keep an eye on the site near the end and start of each month as most courses drop in price to $9.99 - $24.99.