1.2 Why Working on a Budget Is Amazing
Our second assignment in my course called INDOOR SELF-PORTRAIT PHOTOGRAPHY by photographer Taya Iv, was to consider the following:
What’s bothering you as a photographer (camera equipment, your indoor space, lighting)? What annoying obstacles exist? What things are in your way or exist in your mind as a limitation?
And for me, the answer was simple: the number one thing that I find limiting in my life when it comes to making art is the current state of my living conditions. My own townhome has become littered with stuff from books, magazines to films on DVD, unfinished artworks (such as drawings, paintings, half filled sketchbooks, printed photos and sculptures), to bags of receipts, office supplies, various electronic cords, empty containers I got to sort things into for proper storage, clean juice and sodapop containers, and much more. I had prepped part of the upstairs to paint several years ago but have never finished it. Some of the stuff from upstairs was shifted to my studio space. And in my studio space is another mess with similar items but also camera equipment that’s been spread out onto part of the floor and not put away. It’s caused tension with my strata, and I’ve been too embarrassed to even let them in for routine maintenance of the building exterior - such as the attics, and the furnace.
My elderly Mom hasn’t been too well either in recent years and I’ve spent more time at her place, to help her out, but I’ve also made a mess here - her garage, den and guest bedroom have become very unorganized. It’s led to a huge tension between my Mother and I, which in recent months have turned into moments where things boil over and we end up having horrible fights.
My accumulation of stuff is partly related to my depression. I acquire things as a way of filling a void, but then I get too many things that I’m unable to use them. And it’s not junk - it’s actually nice things. So many beautiful things. They just aren’t put away properly. Which is heartbreaking. It’s almost like the television show HOARDERS, only I’ve never let any perishable food items rot. It’s unorganized, yes, but nothing is rotting, and I don’t have infestations of rats or insects etc. So for me, it’s not that I don’t have things, it’s that I have too many things. My primary love is painting but I haven’t been able to do that in years due to the mess of my place. It’s partly why I’ve turned to more lens based digital art work: because I can do it with a camera and then edit on a laptop or other smart device, anywhere.
In terms of a solution for this - I need to get organized, but it has been incredibly difficult. I make small strides, but fall behind again. Specifically, over the last two years (this fall especially, which saw me hospitalized for a brief period), has been incredibly difficult. Things have stagnated so much. It’s even a part of me that I’ve largely hidden in my subverted selfie project I mentioned in the introduction. I have made some artworks based on these issues, from 2012-15, in a series I called “a simple slight of essence.”
Ultimately, I think I need to try to break the work down by different areas, and create a list of things that need to be done in each area. I could continue documenting my progress through photos and even video. I should start at my Mom’s, then work on my own place.
This was also posted as a subversive selfie for December 25, 2021.
