I did it again: jolting awake, asking myself what time it was… 7:55am. “Shit! Fucking God damn it. I was due at @lifelabslp at 7:50am!” were the words that fly angrily out of my mouth just under my breath as my naked frame scooted to the side of the bed, reaching for the pair of 501s I wore the day before, sliding them on as I stood up. My maltese-poodle looks up at me from her corner of the bed as if to say, “why are you getting up so early?” before putting her head back down. “I’m so fucking useless!” is another automatic negative thought that spews from my mouth as I button up my 501s, heading to the door of the guest room at my mom’s, buckling up the belt that’s still threaded through the pants.
As I moved past the open door I felt my right foot stepping on the loose sock that wasn’t pulled up on my left foot, sending my body forward. “Jesus Christ!” I mumble as my legs knocked my Gaia statue over. My left arm reached out to grab the frame of a clothing rack we have in the hall, to try & stop my fall, but the weight of my body starts to bring the rack down with me. I did my best to keep it in place, which caused the right side of my body to swing down sharply onto the hardwood floor, leaving me winded, & worried that my fall might have woken mom. I felt pain shooting through my right leg, arm, & shoulder. But somehow, I managed to get up again, returning the statue to where it had been & pushing the rack back towards the wall. From it, I selected & slid on my pikachu shirt, hoping its message “chu can do it!” might reframe my mind for a better day ahead.
My insomnia had me up past 4am. It’s why I slept late. It’s such an odd feeling, wanting to sleep but not being able to, as the monkey in my mind swings from unproductive thought to unproductive thought. Wanting to be productive but not having the energy to concentrate on anything worthwhile, & oh, those unproductive thoughts. Somehow, I made it to the lab by 8:15am & finished giving my sacrifice by 8:30. Despite my shirt, I still felt stupid, sore, & exhausted as I headed down the hall to @everbeancafe for a cup of tea & a greasy Robert sandwich.
(58/366).