DAY 2: OUR BODY, OUR BREATH
I think it's SO common for us to hold our breath in photos but that disconnects us from our body and enhances any anxiety in our body that might be coming up. How did focusing on the breath feel for you?
June 2, 2022: I’m feeling a lot of #anxiety this morning because I slept in, again. For like. I dunno. The fifth day in a row too.
I try to #breathe in deeply through my nose, to help calm my racing #heartbeat, but it’s #halfhearted & I find my mind is too tired to even #lambaste myself for it.
I hold my breath for a moment as my hand reaches for the #remote that controls the small Dyson fan sitting near the room’s only window, one that’s been slightly open for so many months now.
I breathe out through my #mouth, as I fumble with the small remote & eventually find the button that turns it off. I press it, & the fan comes to a stop. The sudden silence highlights my #loneliness & a headache that numbs the present moment.
I breathe in, through my nose again, while stretching my arms & legs out. The silence is broken by the crickackle of the remote landing inside the cave that is my nightstand’s open drawer, as my outstretched hand lets it fall.
I breathe out to have it turn into a chest filling yawn, complete with the quivering of my upper lip. I hold my left leg mid air for a moment, trying to stop a Charlie-horse from forming. I extend my foot as far as it will go & I feel the muscles in my leg fighting to remain relaxed, as I also hold onto the desire to vocalize my agony.
WHAT ARE SOME OTHER TOOLS FOR GROUNDING THAT YOU USE IN OTHER PARTS OF YOUR LIFE?
Ponder what tools or actions you take part in to get grounded. Maybe it's making a cup of tea. Maybe it is feeling your feet on the ground or doing mountain pose? Maybe it is noticing your senses. Or maybe it is a crystal you like to hold or a stone in your pocket that helps you get grounded. List them here! And then ponder...could we include some of these as part of our process this month? Could we make ourselves a cup of tea as we're reading the class activities and get grounded before we take our selfie? Or feel the ground beneath our feet before we pick up our camera?
I breathe in as my legs fall back down into the sheets & I turn my body onto my side as I breathe out. I pull Kira close, hugging her tightly & she tolerates it just long enough to capture this selfie. She then flops back onto the softest blanket next to me, & I pass out too, my phone falling from my hand, ending up somewhere next to me until it’s alarm wakes me around 8:00am. 3 hours wasted.
HOW DID FOCUSING ON SOME DEEP BREATHS FEEL FOR YOU AS YOU TOOK YOUR SELFIE? DID YOU NOTICE THE URGE TO HOLD YOUR BREATH?
I feel a bit more grounded, it was nice to just hold my girl and relax a little. I still need to sneak away to catchup with my art history. But I have so much to do here as well. Maybe I can do an hours worth of work & then sneak away. I’m going to lose 15% on my late assignment now, thanks to my fucking depression. That knowledge terrifies me. It makes me feel #guilty, #stupid & #ashamed. I can see the reddish orange highlight through a C+ grade on the rubric she uses to mark the work, indicating a slip from the A I got a week before. That knowledge paralyzes me.
153/365.
This photo was initially posted on Instagram and Flickr.
Today’s photo prompt and reflective journaling questions for today was a part of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED photo workshop challenge which is run several times throughout the year by photographer VIVIENNE McMASTER. It’s well worth signing up for, and doing alongside other participants.
#beyourownbeloved #beyourownbeloved💖 #depressionhelp #depressionawareness #startingover #selflove #selflovejourney #selflove #dailyselfie #dailywriting #subvertedselfies #subvertedselfie #art #photography #sad #depressed