DAY 3: EMERGING INTO THE IMAGE
HOW HAS IT BEEN EMERGING INTO THIS EXPERIENCE?
Today's prompt is all about emerging into the process and our photo using one of my favourite creative ways to take a photo. It's a great one to help us emerge a bit more into the photo and this experience. How has it been emerging into the experience as a whole far?
June 3, 2022: I’m so #scatterbrained, useless, & #ashamed today. This latest major #depressive episode has meant my monkey mind has been working #overtime to hurtle insults at myself over the last week.
The #selfloathing has been strong.
I’ve slept in day after day. It has been an absolute struggle just to get the simplest of things completed. My third #arthistory assignment is now three days late, meaning a 25% automatic reduction. I’ll never change.
I’ve had some horrible #screaming matches with my Mum.
A woman at @londondrugs positively commented on my heart shaped #bumblebeejasper #pendant & I looked right through her as I passed by. But it wasn’t devoid of emotion, I felt so angry about how the #pharmacists said it would be 20 minutes for my Mum’s #insulin but it had been almost an hour when they needed, “Just a few more minutes.” But as I stepped back a huge line had formed, meaning just a few more minutes was now easily another half hour. So I left, & that’s when the woman complimented me, leaving me to just bite my tongue.
After weighing in at 213.4 pounds on Tuesday, today I’m at 216.4. “Shove another cookie down your mouth again Steve!” my mind barks at me.
I’ve been #hyperaware about how a friend of over twenty years, & another of over seventeen have both #ghosted me. I feel the #confusion, #hurt, & #betrayal mixed in with the overwhelming desire or just wanting to know what I did to push them away. My mind just automatically puts the blame on me.
I also noticed how a few new friends I’ve made over the past year blocked me this week, & I don’t know why. My monkey mind screams at me about how I must be some really #creepy guy to keep pushing people away, & I feel more #depressed because of it.
A business I adore unfollowed me. I am such a #screwup. Maybe my latest #selfies have finally revealed the truth about the monster I really am.
I USED THE WORD 'EMERGING' BECAUSE I THINK IT'S IMPORTANT TO LET OURSELVES EASE INTO THE PROCESS. WHAT ARE THE COMFORT ZONES YOU'RE NOTICING SO FAR?
Are you noticing that some prompts are more outside your comfort zones than others? If you find yourself coming up against a comfort zone, could you let yourself use a tool like this and emerge into the photo gently rather than push yourself and make it all or nothing? Can you think of any other times you let yourself stretch into an experience, step by step and let yourself emerge gently?
Part of the past few months has involved my emerging from these kinds of #debilitating moments by reframing how I look at myself: I got up earlier today than yesterday. I can get a doctor’s note. My weight will fluctuate. I am not other people’s thoughts.
I can do this.
154/365.
This image was initially posted on Instagram and Flickr.
Today’s photo prompt and reflective journaling questions for today was a part of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED photo workshop challenge which is run several times throughout the year by photographer VIVIENNE McMASTER. It’s well worth signing up for, and doing alongside other participants.
#beyourownbeloved💖 #depressionhelp #depressionawareness #startingover #selflove #selflovejourney #selflove #dailyselfie #dailywriting #subvertedselfies #subvertedselfie #art #photography #sad #depressed