June 7, 2022 Subverted Selfie Project Post (Be Your Own Beloved Edition)

June 7, 2022

DAY 7: LOOKING INTO OUR EYES WITH LOVE

If you haven't tried the activity yet, let's start here:

CAN YOU RECALL A TIME WHEN YOU HAD A POWERFUL MOMENT OF EYE CONTACT WITH SOMEONE?

Eye contact is an important part of feeling seen, by others, and by ourselves. Noticing these moments that we have with other people and what they mean to us is a great way to invite in that noticing towards ourselves too. No pressure, but maybe next time you walk past the mirror or when you look at your photo later, pause and see how it feels to hold your glance towards yourself too.

From June 7, 2022: I’ve spent the past few days working through the reflective photo and writing exercises from Vivienne McMaster’s course, the #beyourownbeloved challenge. It’s asking me if I can recall a time when I had a powerful moment of eye contact with someone. And I have. And I’m reluctant to write about it again.

I guess I don’t have to do a play by play but I can touch upon how it made me feel noticed. I felt the energy of this person’s excitement whenever our eyes met. I remember how this person’s eyes lit up, but it wasn’t just their eyes, it was their entire being that radiated compassion, gratitude and curiosity about me. They had a full body smile, and I felt their positivity deeply. I felt seen in so many ways by this person, especially in moments when our eyes met from a distance and time seemed to just stand still. I felt seen in ways that I’ve never even allowed myself to see in me.

THIS ACTIVITY IS ABOUT SENDING OURSELVES LOVE THROUGH THE CAMERA BUT IF WE'RE NOT READY TO SEND OURSELVES COMPASSION, WE CAN THINK OF SOMEONE WE LOVE AND DO THIS ACTIVITY WITH THEM IN MIND.

Who makes your eyes light up? Who makes you smile or put your hand to your heart when you think of them? Who's name comes up when asked this questions? Maybe someone you love but don't get to see often? Or someone who is no longer on the planet but you still feel the love you have for them? Maybe your pet or a loved one? Write a name or a few names here.

I remember how I made this person’s eyes light up whenever they saw me, and my eyes lit up too as I let myself feel safe around them. They made me smile, so many times. But there were so many times I didn’t allow myself maintain eye contact. So many times when I’d shy away because I felt so unworthy and undeserving of this person’s attention. It’s someone I came to care for, someone whose kindness carved out a place in my soul, someone I don’t get to see much anymore. The prompt is asking me to write their name now. Again, and again. But I can’t, so I’ll just say their name aloud and let the universe carry their name out into the unknown, over and under on the wind, their name, the most beautiful sound I ever heard… to quote West Side Story.

THIS ACTIVITY MIGHT BE OUT OF OUR COMFORT ZONE. BUT IT IS ONE THAT I HIGHLY ENCOURAGE YOU NOT TO GIVE UP ON AND AN IMPORTANT ONE IN THE CLASS...YOU CAN DO IT! AND IF YOU'D LIKE SOME EXTRA ENCOURAGEMENT DON'T HESITATE TO COME TO THE FLICKR GROUP!

Once you've tried the activity, continue on here:

HOW DID IT FEEL TO LOOK INTO THE LENS WITH LOVE?

I know that with this activity sometimes we can put the pressure on ourselves to have it look a certain way. But this activity is more about how it feels to look into the lens in the moment and how it feels to connect with ourselves eye to eye afterwards. So whatever your photo looks like is enough. I encourage you to take lots of photos today and see which one resonates with you the most (even if you're not sure why).

So today I look into my lens with love. Trying to capture the kind of reverence I felt so many years ago with the person I just mentioned.

I look into the lens and breathe a soft breath in, through the nose, and then, out, through the mouth. I’ve noticed in many of my selfies I’m not looking directly into the lens, so the results that come up on screen are a little jarring. Who is this person? How can I push my way through my feelings of unworthiness? My self loathing? My Monkey Mind? How can I be as interested in me as this person was a few years ago for such a brief time in my life? How can I embrace that curiosity without pushing myself away like I push others away?

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO LOOK INTO YOUR OWN EYES IN A PHOTO?

Be it today's photo or one where you've looked into the lens in the past, take a look at it right now. How does it feel to make eye contact with yourself (and it's 100% okay if that feels vulnerable! Is there anything you want to share with the YOU in the photo today...just like you might make eye contact with a friend across the table and connect?

I’m shaking inside as I write this, because looking into my own eyes with loving kindness is been really difficult to do. What makes it worse is how I find it so easy to do with others. But not with myself.

158/365.

This was initially published on Instagram and Flickr.

Today’s photo prompt and reflective journaling questions for today was a part of the BE YOUR OWN BELOVED photo workshop challenge which is run several times throughout the year by photographer VIVIENNE McMASTER. It’s well worth signing up for, and doing alongside other participants.

#beyourownbeloved💖 #depressionhelp #depressionawareness #startingover #selflove #selflovejourney #selflove #dailyselfie #dailywriting #subvertedselfies #subvertedselfie #art #photography #sad #depressed

June 6, 2022 Subverted Selfie Project Post (Be Your Own Beloved Edition)

June 6, 2022

DAY 6: PHOTO WALKS AS SELF-CARE

Have you gone out on your photo walk yet? If not... give it a try and come back to this worksheet after. Photo walks aren't just for days we FEEL like going. Offer yourself this kind of self-care today and see if it shifts your day or what you discover around you!

HOW DID YOUR PHOTO WALK FEEL? WERE YOU RESISTANT TO GOING AT ALL? HOW DID IT FEEL DURING AND AFTER?

From June 6, 2022: I’ve been #walking for two hours now. Just hit 8km as the midnight hour nears, with a waxing crescent laying on the black blanket of a cloudless sky high overhead. It was bright enough to illuminate the trails and the foliage of the Sunnyside Urban Forrest as I started my walk. As I pass 8km, I feel a bit of pain in my lower back, and in my lower legs.

The air is cool tonight, on the eve of the seventh of June, 2022. At one point, the slight moisture in the air holds the smell of freshly cut grass. In some places the sidewalks are littered with fallen samaras from the maple trees. I almost didn’t do this. I was so behind in my art history course with assignment 3, but somehow I got it done. Even though I’ll end up losing 55% on it. But this walk has been invigorating. Tiring too. It’s also awakened a part of my soul that had been slipping down into depression.

Photo walks are wonderful when the sun is shining, we've got lots of time and life is good. But if we only offer ourselves this kind of self-care when we're all good, we miss out on the opportunity to allow it to nourish the days when we aren' t feeling that way. I'm glad you gave it a try today...did you end up coming home feeling like it shifted your day? I know it often does for me.

LET'S BRAINSTORM SOME OTHER TIMES AND PLACES YOU COULD GO ON A SELF-CARE PHOTO WALK? SPILL SOME IDEAS HERE!

When are some times or places you'd like to invite in this practice in the future? Maybe a lunch break or when you're walking your dog? It can be a few minutes while you're waiting for someone or you can take a longer time another day. What about places. In the coming days notice some places both grand and simple near you that could be fun to explore!

I definitely want to start bringing my little white Maltese poodle Kira with me as the summer months warm up. I’ve been walking at night but could walk earlier in the day, as the sun is lower in the sky and it’s not too warm or too cold for my little one with her fine hair that doesn’t provide her with much warmth. She gets cold easily and that’s always been a worry for me. By contrast, I have to be careful that she’s not out in the sun too much as she could burn.

There are other places in Metro Vancouver where I’d like to walk. My friend Shannon takes her dogs on walks and hikes to different places around the lower mainland of British Columbia. We have so many beautiful parks and wilderness areas to visit.

Other ways I can try to incorporate more steps into my day include parking further away from a destination, like a cafe or grocery store. In some cases that would help protect my vehicle from being dinged as usually people park as close as they can to a store at the mall. I’ve also tried to take the stairs in buildings where possible, as opposed to elevators or escalators. One thing that’s always puzzled me are people who choose to walk up an escalator, pushing past others, while there’s a perfectly good and empty staircase next to the escalator. But I digress.

Today’s photo saw me interact with and appreciate the trees I past. With each tree, I took several minutes to feel the texture of each trees surface, letting my life force energy en and flow between myself and the tree. It was a grounding experience that I’ve done before, but not in a long time. I’ll try and do this daily from now on.

157/365.

This was initially posted on Instagram and Flickr.

June 5, 2022 Subverted Selfie Project Post (Be Your Own Beloved Edition)

June 5, 2022

DAY 05: OUR REFLECTIONS

HAVE YOU EXPLORED TAKING REFLECTIVE PHOTOS BEFORE TODAY? HOW WAS IT FOR YOU?

I know for many of us we hear 'reflection' and we think the mirror. And the mirror is often another place like through the camera where we might find old stories come up. We'll connect with the mirror later in class, but today is about reclaiming a playful and inquisitive relationship with our reflection. How did finding your reflection in this way feel?

June 5, 2022: If I actually complete this #post, it will mark the 1st #time in a long time since I’ve done this 5 days in a row. Right now, I’m #struggling with completing even the simplest of things, & outside of these daily #selfies, I’ve steered away from moments of #SelfReflection. For example, I can’t remember the last time I did #MorningPages #journaling, & I’ve also avoided moments where I’d have to see myself in a #mirror. My #relationship with myself has always had a tension of #distrust, of not liking who I see in the mirror.

HOW IS BUILDING YOUR RELATIONSHIP TO YOURSELF THROUGH THE CAMERA FEELING FOR YOU SO FAR THIS MONTH?

We're only on Day 5, but we're already in the process of creating a habit of taking a selfie each day and building a relationship to ourselves through the camera. What has that relationship been in the past between you and a photo? And what would you like it to be like in the future? Proclaim it here in this space...what are some words to describe how you'd like your relationship to seeing yourself in photos be in the future? Open? Kind? Inquisitive? Exciting? Thoughtful? There is no right or wrong here...let whatever is coming up for you have a place to land here!

In 2020, I made a post about purchasing a handheld mirror that I planned to use for #EyeGazing #exercises related to #HoOponopono, as well as repeating #affirmations & other #mantras to reframe how I view myself. My desire to do that ran parallel with my desire to do this #selfie project everyday. It was supposed to #help, not #hinder my progress. But like so many things in my life, I start, but don’t follow through.

My distrust hasn’t just impacted seeing myself in a mirror, or taking selfies; it’s also spilled into a fear of being in photos with family & friends. When I should embrace chances to #capture happy #memories I get stuck worrying about whether or not I look good, or wondering when this amateur photo session would be over. I’d suck in my gut & hold my breath while faking a #smile… & let’s not talk about how anxious I get when these photos get uploaded to #SocialMedia.

I’ve said this before but I’d like to improve my #relationship with myself. I’d love to be able to see myself & say, “hey, you’re pretty cool.” A few days ago I lamented about losing people because they choose to cut me out of their lives & I don’t know why. But I do know that their desire to avoid me mirrors my own desire to avoid me. If I want to break this cycle, I need to cultivate an #unconditional sense of #compassion, #curiosity, #foregiveness, gratitude, love, & reverence for all life STARTING WITH MYSELF.

My friend @ahhlanna96 reminded me Friday about the self-portrait I created last month with all the positive things others said about who I am. She told me to look at that more often so I can start believing in who I am.

156/365.

This photo was originally posted on Instagram and Flickr.